New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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