there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
