Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
