it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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