my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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