I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
