Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
