i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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