I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
