The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
