"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
