i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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