i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
