I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
