farters have to be the big spoon...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
