I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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