wanna go halves on a baby?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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