This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
