With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
