he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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