i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
