this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
