Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
