I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
