You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
