Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
