I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
