my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Even my vagina gasped.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
