we have officially lost it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
