I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
