I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
