he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
