she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
