I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
