Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
