I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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