it wasn't lemon gatorade
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
