Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
