i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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