He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
