you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
