I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
