i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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