Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
