i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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