Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sorry about my life...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
