maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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