Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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