On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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