sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
