I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
