Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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