Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
