either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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