Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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