you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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