So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
